What I’ve learned so far 3 months post breakup after an 8 year relationship and engagement

—It wasn’t all my fault. It takes two to ruin a relationship I had an unimaginable amount of stressors going on in my life leading up to the wedding and struggled to prioritize my relationship, but I made so many sacrifices to make him happy and fought as hard as I could to show up and he ended up leaving in the end. The shame and guilt I carried those first 2 months were almost unbearable, but I’m now accepting that this wasn’t only my fault

—Take time to feel your feelings early on. It’s devastatingly difficult at first but this allowed me to experience that “time heals things” I got attacked by a dog less than 1 week moving in to my new place and couldn’t use either of my arms for 3 weeks (then got covid and was super sick for a week). This forced me to just sit with my emotions. Again, it was devastatingly difficult, but looking back, I’m glad I had that month to just grieve the relationship and not distract myself

—Find yourself again. Find your passions, your values and hobbies, establish what kinds of people you want in your life I really lost myself in those 8 years. I completely altered myself to be someone that fit into his world. I don’t drink or smoke, and that was his world. I forgot about the goals I set for myself because I was so “invested” in the relationship (really just codependency). I’m now training for an Ironman like I’ve always wanted to, I’m training my dog like I’ve always wanted to. I’m in such solitude that I’m building friends that I actually want in my life

—Let go of what they think of / say about you This has been the hardest one to work through. I care so much about what others think, and I’m finally starting to realize that we didn’t have those core beliefs and values in common, and his friends are literally mean people, so who gives a shit what they have to say or think because I’m most likely never going to see them again

—There are other people out there 3 months ago I said I’d never even be able to look at someone again, and for the first time in over 8 years I’m actually acknowledging other people are attractive and I’m finding myself building connections with people (of course in a platonic way and I’m keeping strict emotional boundaries for myself because I want to truly heal from this relationship and take time for me)

I’m so grateful to be going into my 27th year and into 2025 finally starting to see these small things. I can’t wait to see how I continue to grow and transform this next year