Ruining my relationship with bdd

Hi i (f18) went with my boyfriend (m18) to a restaurant yesterday. I really thought we were going to have a good time but things turned around very quickly. He has a childhood friend he knows since he was a little baby. Everytime i see her saying hi to my bf or even just smiling at him i get so triggerd. Shes so much more beautiful then me. I thought me and my boyfriend were gonna have a great time, but thats when i saw her working as a SERVER over there. I immediatly feel this instant dread over my body, i was shaking en almost started crying but i tried to hold myself together. I couldnt, so i walked too the bathroom and start to hyperventillate and cry immediatly.

After that we went to his place and we went to sleep. Now this morning i told him that i didnt really feel loved (because after i had my panick attack he went really silent). He told me that he doesnt see our future as bright as he use to see it. He says that i really need to love myself otherwise its going to maybe end in the future.

I wish i could love myself and im trying so hard. But i Just feel triggerd by every girl i see because im too insecure about myself. I dont want to live like this. Does anyone have tips?