Getting a haircut

Hey you guys! So, maybe a couple of months ago I received my first haircut. I was so happy not even going to lie. I’m a trans man and I’m starting to come into my own at my own pace. I want to get a bald fade with waves, but the reaction from my grandmother the first time was heartbreaking. I only have the sides cut and it warranted that reaction. Now I’m planning to just shave all my hair off and I know it’s going to be alot. Probably from other people as well. On one hand I want to go through with it. At the same time I’m just like maybe I should get something that isnt so “intense.” I’m in the closet somewhat and I’m not out as trans to many. So it’s alot that I know I will face:/. I just wish it wasnt so damn hard. I hate it man.