I’ve developed this at 30

I’ll try to be brief -

I had my third baby in December and I was so terrified of gaining a ton of weight back like I did with my second that I had this grand idea to just purge anytime I binged. It worked for a bit, then it didn’t. I brought it up to my doctor who said it wasn’t good, but there was definitely unhealthier things I could be doing.

I ended up switching to a healthier lifestyle and joining the gym. I’m down a total of 81lbs from my highest weight of 286.

Where I’m struggling right now is that anytime I feel the least bit full, the feelings of guilt wash over me. Anytime I eat near/over my pre-set amount of calories for the day, I’m ready to just bring it all back up. How easy it is to just slip into the next room. Even now where I’m happier with how I look and feel, even when I promised myself this was just until I got over the “hump.”

Late nights are the worst

But, I have small children and can’t always get to bed on time. Or have 10 minutes to myself after they go to bed some nights. Which is stressful. Cue late night binge sessions. Not as ravenous as they used to be, but still riddled with guilt and having to harness strength to keep these empty calories in.

I guess that wasn’t brief, thanks if you made it this far. Be blessed.