I'm a 32yo man-child, terrified to leave my parents' house. What would it take for me to change?

I feel like a terrible person. I have no job, no relationship. I spend most of my days lying in the bed or watching videos. I do not contribute to the household. My parents are rich anyway, but that's not the point.

I have this fixed idea that I should be exceptional at something and have a career, or else my life is worthless. My friends are perfectionists too. I rarely meet them now, because I'm afraid to look them in the eye. I think I have the 'gifted child syndrome'. As my adult life began my BPD became more manifest and I got lost. It's as if I'd lost my own willpower and bravery to act and try to be as safe with as little effort as possible. Fast forward to 32 and I'm here with a worthless degree, doing menial jobs. I could've been so much more. I know I have it in me. My teachers loved me. My old friends don't understand how I don't have a PhD by now.

I don't fully understand it myself. What I do understand is that as soon as I completely abandon the family safety net I will be forced to face the harsh realities of being this age with this little. That's probably why I don't want to move out.

Actually I often contemplate suicide. I think I'd rather have a clean death now than to have a meaningless and totally mediocre life and be a failure for the rest of my life.

I think what would have brought me change is lots of encouragement, training of my character and putting faith in me. I already had the emptiness in me when I was a teen, but back then it wasn't so noticeable, because all I had to do was study whatever was mandatory.

What do you guys think about my story? Is there a way still to live up to my potential?