This is a repost. The original was posted in r/AITAH and /r/amiwrong by User DadInDilemma10. I'm not the original poster. There has been a previos posting here

Status: Concluded

Mood: Happy

Original

August 12, 2024

I’m a single dad to my son, Oliver 10M. He’s with me most of the time, and sees his mum every other weekend. He’s an awesome kid, creative, full of energy, and he’s got his own sense of style that’s pretty unique. He loves bright colours, nail polish, and clothes that some people might think are more “girly.”

If I’m honest, I think Oliver might be gay, and I’m totally cool with that. I’ve always made it clear that whoever he turns out to be, I’ll support him 100%.

Because of how he dresses and acts, Oliver’s had a really tough time with other kids. He got bullied so badly at his old school that I ended up pulling him out and homeschooling him. The school wasn’t helpful at all, and it was heartbreaking to see him go through that. He’s struggled to make friends, and it kills me to see him feel so alone.

Now, he’s starting back at school in September, and he’s really excited about it. But recently, we were at a cousin’s birthday party, and Oliver wore his favourite jacket which is a bright pink, sparkly one that he loves. Some of the other kids started picking on him, saying he “looked gay.” I stepped in, got the kids to apologise, but it ruined the day for Oliver. I’m worried about how things will go when he’s back at school.

I’ve been thinking about whether I should talk to Oliver about maybe toning it down a bit, especially when he’s around new people. Not because I want him to change who he is, but because I hate seeing him get hurt and feel like an outcast. I don’t want him to feel like he has to hide who he is, but I also don’t want him to be picked on or excluded because of it.

But then, I feel like a complete arsehole for even thinking about this. I don’t want him to think that I’m ashamed of him or that he has to conform to be accepted. I want him to feel free to be himself, but I’m also scared of him being hurt by others who don’t get it.

So, WIBTA if I talked to Oliver about maybe being a bit more low-key with his style?

Update

September 7, 2024, 26 days later

Hey all, it's been about 26 days since my original post, and I thought I'd give an update now that Oliver has had his first week back at school. I can happily say that so far, things are going much better than I'd hoped.

Over the summer, Oliver and I had a really important heart-to-heart. I sat him down and told him just how incredibly proud I am of the person he is becoming. I made sure he knew that there is absolutely nothing he could ever do that would change the way I see him or make me love him any less. Honestly, it was a bit emotional, and I even got a bit choked up. I told him that if wearing his favourite jacket – the one that’s caused some hurt before – made him happy, I’d stand behind him 100%. But I also wanted to make sure he was prepared. I explained that, while I’ll always be there for him, I can't always be around to protect him, and he might have to stand up for himself if kids make fun of him. I made it clear that this doesn’t mean he should change anything about who he is but that he needs to be ready to handle it if anyone says anything cruel.

Oliver understood, and we spent the summer coming up with some playful comebacks together. He really wanted to take the jacket with him to school, so we made it a bit of a project – imagining the kind of things kids might say and crafting witty replies that he could fire back with. It was actually pretty fun, and I think it helped him feel more confident about it.

Now, back to school! His new teacher knows all about his past struggles with bullying, and she's been amazing. She’s keeping a close eye on things and making sure he feels safe and comfortable. It’s made such a difference already, and Oliver’s first week couldn’t have gone better. He’s even made a friend, a boy named Sam, and they’ve really hit it off. They’re planning to meet up tomorrow at the Wacky Warehouse, and Oliver can’t stop talking about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him this excited about spending time with someone his age.

I know it’s still early days, but seeing him come home happy and smiling each day has been such a relief.

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and encouragement on my original post – I really took a lot of it to heart, and I think it made a big difference in how I approached all this.

Update 2

September 9, 2024, about 28 days later

Hey

I just wanted to hop on and give a small update about Oliver's playdate over the weekend. Firstly, when Oliver was getting ready he wanted to wear all his 'flamboyant' clothes. He asked me if I thought it was a good idea, his friend had seen him in his jacket but he was a little worried how he would react to the 'full Oliver'. I told him to wear whatever he wanted, and if this friend was worth being friends with they would accept him for exactly how he is. This made Oliver smile.

He wore his full Oliver outfit, when we were walking in I could feel Oliver getting a bit nervous. He was bullied so much in his last school for how he was, so I understood why. I held his hand tight and gave it two squeezes (this means 'I love you', something I learnt to teach him from reddit actually). The friend's dad was with him and he looked at Oliver and gave a little curious look but apart from that it was fine. The boy said he loved Oliver's clothes. They spent about 4 hours playing, and we ended up eating together.

On the way home, I told Oliver how proud I am of the little man he is. I am so proud how he is so willing to be himself, and so brave to continue despite any backlash he gets. I love him so much.

This is my final update on this account.

I don't know if I'll ever show you these posts Oliver, maybe in a few years when you're older so we can laugh at how worried I was about you. Your dad is so proud of you, I think you are the most amazing person in the whole world. Even when you drive me absolutely nuts. I am so lucky to get to be your father, I am so lucky you are in my life.

I love you.

I'm not the original poster.