Eye contact disappearing

Did anyone else watch their avoidant struggle to make eye contact as they faded away from your relationship? I think I noticed it 2 years before the breakup. He just couldn’t look me in the eyes barely ever anymore. Only when we’d go out for dinner could he hold normal eye contact. Sometimes on the more loving days he would look over at me with his sweet eyes and I loved every second because I knew it didn’t happen often enough. Anything else at any time was too intimate it seemed. This always broke my heart as I loved looking into his eyes, especially in the mornings. We also couldn’t have sex with any light on ever fwiw.

We used to just look at eachother when we’d wake up. Hold eye contact and feel so safe. I’d come visit him on the toilet (lol we did this a lot) and just take his face in my hands and tilt his head up to look at me and I always loved doing this because his eyes always looked crystal clear in our bathroom lighting and the beautiful hazel/green just shined. I’d always tell him how much I loved doing this. He loved feeling loved that way. But then it stopped. He’d never make eye contact in mornings anymore in bed. Ever. If I tried to do the head told to look at his eyes he would resist it on a joking way and then shift his eyes back and forth awkwardly like ~wut r u doing~ type of vibe. We rarely made eye contact during conversations or arguments— he would face the tv and I was facing him. I told him many times I missed his eyes. Why can you look at me? I miss looking at you and seeing you looking back. I miss you.

I wish I was allowed to know what went through his mind all those years he faded away. I wish he gave us the chance to work on it all.

Losing his eye contact was one of the things that scared me most.