Parental sensory overload is breaking me.

Anyone else deal with this? I am not officially diagnosed on the spectrum but I truly believe I’m autistic.

My kids are 4 and 6. The 6 year old has level 2 autism and combined type ADHD. I suspect the 4 year old has ADHD but won’t be evaluated until January. I’m a single mom. Ex-husband is definitely on the spectrum. He gave up custody and gets minimal visitation because he just could not cope with the noise and chaos of our kids.

I’m on 3 different meds and in weekly therapy. I can barely cope. The constant screaming, squealing, messing, touching, running around, destroying things, and hyperactivity makes me so touched out. I want to avoid my kids because of it. I don’t know how to combat this besides to wear earplugs sometimes. I ask them to leave me alone and give me space and not touch me but it fails. I get so overstimulated that I have self-injured to the point of needing medical attention in the past. I hurt myself to avoid hurting my kids.

I do not have respite care and my sitters quit.

I feel like I’m truly going to snap if I don’t get this sensory overload under control. The mouth-smacking and screaming and touching me and creating chaos around me makes me want to d*e some days.