My brother took me on an international trip two months ago and just told me that I was rude the entire time.

My brother and his wife paid for my husband and myself to go on an international trip as a group at the end of September. I tried multiple times leading up to the trip to talk about how I believe I may be autistic (undiagnosed but boy did I score high on the RAADS-R test [and every other reputable test] and tick all the boxes, not to mention how much of my difficulties throughout childhood and adolescence that explains). I wanted to address how worried I was about becoming overstimulated, needing time/space alone, and possibly even having meltdowns. I am from the US and this was my first time traveling outside the US or Canada so I was feeling very stressed about it and wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Both times I was brushed off.

Over the course of a 2 week trip I had a grand total of maybe 10 non-consecutive hours to myself, was massively overstimulated, and had to listen to his wife (who I am not close with) make subtle digs at me and avoid conversation with me. I was not always at my best and things were rocky between my husband during this trip as he was very stressed and I was constantly repressing my emotions and ignoring my need for space.

In spite of all of that I tried so hard to be polite and kind to my brother and SIL. I said thank you at all the right times, I tried to get involved in conversation, I asked questions and made jokes, etc.

There is a lot more to the trip including a fight between my SIL and myself and some drama following that, but that's outside the context of this post.

My brother told me today that I was rude to everyone on the trip. I feel so blindsided because I remember making a concentrated effort to be polite and kind to my brother and SIL. Are they referring to how I acted with my husband because we were irritated with each other on and off? I did try to keep that separate but there's only so much you can do when you're stuck in the back seat of a rental car for hours at a time. Or do they just not like how I act? At times I didn't talk because I was overwhelmed and didn't have the energy to hold a conversation without feeling like I was risking a meltdown... maybe that's what he meant?

I'm just feeling so confused and hurt by that comment right now because I genuinely thought I was being polite. My husband also said that he didn't see me acting rudely toward them so it can't all be in my head that I wasn't being rude.