Would you leave in this situation?

So, I’ve been working as an au pair in Germany for more than two months now. I’ve always wanted to try living abroad, plus I wanted to learn a new language, and I love children—I’ve worked with them a lot before—so this seemed like the best option. I’m taking care of two girls, aged 4 and 8. The 4-year-old is incredibly sweet when we’re alone; she’s really grown close to my heart. But I’ve always had problems with the older one. SHe never listens to me, doesn’t want to play with me, and when I try to engage with them (as the parents expect me to), she screams, cries, leaves the room, or slams the door on me. She also heavily influences the younger one not to listen to me or the other nanny (who primarily takes care of the 11-month-old baby but occasionally helps with mine). So when the two of them are together, it becomes incredibly difficult.

In these three months, I’ve grown tired of constantly pleading, disciplining, and sometimes even yelling. The family has also been strange from the start. When we first spoke, they really put on a show about wanting me to be part of the family, but I don’t feel like that at all. The family is not open—not to cultural exchange, nor even to me. On five days of the week, I’m the one cooking dinner and lunch and serving breakfast, yet from the very first week, they’ve never invited me to join them for lunch when the mom cooks. They never invite me to any outings—well, once, to a christening, but I was essentially a babysitter there. On weekends (my days off), they expect me to take part in family life, but for them, that means playing with the kids while they lock themselves in the study to work.

They didn’t give me time off even when I had a fever of 38°C for almost a week, had no voice, and felt terrible. I worked that entire week (and during the autumn break, which meant 10-hour days). They never share information about the kids with me; instead, they tell the nanny, even when it’s about the girls I look after (e.g., one of them started taking a medication and is going to have surgery, and I wasn’t even told about it). They have a strict schedule, and if I take the kids to the bath at 6:35 instead of 6:30 (which happens because they either make a fuss about not wanting to bathe or the activities are so tightly packed that it causes delays), the mom comes and asks why I couldn’t do it on time.

Sometimes I spend hours cleaning up after the kids (because there’s no way to get them to help when they’re together—they really trash the place), or I iron for 1-2 hours. I’m not allowed to have friends over in my room, and they don’t like it if I go out after 8 pm. I feel completely trapped, and I often feel more like a housekeeper than an au pair. Even when I sit down to eat with them, they don’t acknowledge my presence or talk to me.

I can’t attend language school because I have to bring the kids home for lunch and then take them back to school, so my day is split in two (I’ve only been able to join an online group). I don’t feel at home in the family, and on weekends, I end up stuck in my room unless I go out. But even there, I can’t fully relax because I’m half-waiting for the kids to burst in. I can’t really unwind anywhere.

I’ve made one Spanish friend here, but she’s going back home because her family situation was terrible, so now I don’t even have her. I came here for new experiences, but I feel completely isolated. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lonely in my life. On top of that, I constantly feel anxious about when the mom will have an issue with me (she doesn’t say it directly but punishes with silence and passive aggression). This is made worse by the fact that I don’t feel at home in my room either, so I can’t rest or catch a break anywhere.

Of course, I’m trying to pull myself out of this mood (I go to the gym, I’ve visited lots of places, etc.), but I feel like, in the long run, this is going to drive me crazy. Maybe it’s because I used to have a great social life, with lots of friends and things to do. Now, I often have to fight back tears, and I frequently feel really down. I’m not worried about what I’ll do if I go home—I can prepare to retake an exam, and honestly, I’d rather work a few hours a week anywhere than stay here.