No questions, just have a lot to say!

To start with, I am 27F, currently single and unemployed. Struggling but hopeful and positive.

So, two of my cousins, younger than me, are going to get engaged soon. My chachu called my mom yesterday to know where I am at in the whole marriage area. I'm so grateful that my mom answered saying "She has goals to accomplish and right now she's not ready and I would also prefer to start looking once she gets a job", I was happy that my mom said this but little did I know what was coming next.
After the call, my mom started talking and said, we will start looking for a match after you get a job, and I wanted to make it very clear to my parents that I will not marry "for " anyone unless it is me and only when I'm ready for it. Then my mom became all dramatic and said that they (my parents) have been patient with me all this while, giving me the freedom to study and work and everything and in this, they're not going to listen to me. I cannot get it right in translation but when she said it in telugu, it felt like someone pieced a small needle through my heart, she meant it as an obligation and I was thinking that my parents were supportive because they wanted me to do good in life. From what they said yesterday, it doesn't seem like that anymore.
Now that hurt bad, I don't know why, I wouldn't expect anything else from them.

For me, life has been hard, my childhood was harsh because of my parents, and bullying in school and at home, struggled but got out of it. And I'm not living in the past but whatever happened, that has made me who I am today, I'm well aware of the effects my childhood has on me and honestly, I don't like those parts of myself. I have fears, I have issues that I need to resolve, but it's time taking right? All my life, even now, I've been scared of weekends because god knows what fight I need to witness at home. The reason I'm not ready for marriage is that even if the person who's coming into my life is too good, I'm unsure of myself because I know, I can become a person who's unpleasant to be with at times, and I'm learning to change, understanding myself, just because I am a WIP, I don't expect the other person to be extremely patient with me unless they make that choice for themselves and we're compatible. And now, I'm working to get a job, and become financially stable again, and only then, I can think of having a companion. is it wrong to think this way? My parents want me to get married because they have a responsibility but they're not thinking about me there.

To top all this, I found out that my ex is getting married, I'm not heartbroken, nor do I want him back or anything, I was nothing but a fool to be in that equation but, I'm exhausted thinking and feeling too many things at once. I'm likely only jealous because I'm single and I'm unemployed and he's there with a kickass job and getting married, I'd feel that same way if it were anyone else in his place but the effect is more because, at some point in my life, I wanted that. Is it okay to feel bad about these things? should I just focus on what needs to be done and forget about this? because a part of my mind says so.