Any WWs here recovering from being raised in purity culture?

This might be overly niche but maybe it’s more common than I’d think.

I’m the WW and the main thing that keeps coming up for me is heavy purity culture influences from my very Catholic upbringing. Signing purity pledges, lots of messaging about losing value if I lost chastity, the sheer panic on my mom’s face if i touched or itched myself down there for any reason (it was nonsexual and i had no idea what the issue was but got the idea that that’s a bad area), going to confession every week as a 13 year old and dutifully and uncomfortably telling this old-ass priest that I had lustful thoughts that week and promise I never will again. 🤦 Add in some SA and I just felt dirty and shameful all the time.

4 years into marriage I was absolutely trying my very best to be a good sex partner for my husband but there was always something missing, he would say my “energy” just wasn’t there, I could never figure out what he meant and felt so frustrated and hurt.

The AP was less attractive, less successful, less sexually skilled, and less charismatic than my husband. Actually he was (or is i guess, he’s not dead just dead to me) an all around scum bag who pursued me hard despite us both being married. And still for some reason I just felt it maybe for the first time ever. That energy. I guess because I was outside the sacred role of “wife” that I’ve really had built up in my mind as the saintly pinnacle of purity/motherhood/womanhood. In this other context it felt like I could be slutty, I could fuck, I was not in my head about how I was coming across or whether he was gonna judge me etc.

Obviously this was devastating for my poor husband who deserved all that energy with me all along. But now in R I am so sad and I still just can’t find it. Not because I’m not attracted to him! I am!! But because he loves me so much, and I love him, and I want to be perfect for him, and I’m the mother of his children, etc etc. Sex just feels dirty 😭 For him to see me feeling or acting lustful is humiliating. And I hate for my husband to see me as dirty. Sex feels to me like an activity for some broke asshole’s crappy car in the back of a parking lot. Which unfortunately is where I did it and where I liked it.

I’m struggling so much because the root of a lot of my issues has been sexual shame. But now, I’ve actually done an unbelievably shameful sexual thing.

I know the answer is therapy, and I am, but I also would love to hear from anyone who has successfully resolved any of these issues.