I can feel the healing.

4.5 months since dday and I've noticed things that have changed since dday. I can actually feel myself healing. I can think of what happened and I'm not dwelling on it anymore, I'm not getting as angry as I was. I look at my WH and don't feel pure hatred towards him. We are laughing. I smile real smiles. I found hobbies I like. My WH and I can have a conversation without yelling at each other. There isn't this black depression cloud following me around anymore. I'm starting to feel free of this entrapment I've been in for the past 4.5 months.

I am not ready to forgive or even fully accept what happened but I can internally feel myself healing and it's such a wonderful feeling. I've been loving this journey of self discovery and finding out who I am again. I am also enjoying getting to learn about my husband again and reconnect in a way we haven't been in years. Im not sure when I'll be ready to forgive and accept because I still hate that going to therapy, and having to rebuild trust and respect with my husband is my reality but I am so thrilled to finally feel some healing going on. We have a long way to go still but we've made progress, after 4.5 months there's finally progress and some hope.

Thank you to everyone here who has read my emotional Rollercoaster posts and giving their advice and support when needed. Hope I'll be able to do the same for you as we all go through this process of healing.