Finding Peace

Hi all, I'm new to all this and obviously on the roller coaster. But, a perspective I haven't seen a lot (rightfully so as most Waywards need serious healing.) Is it possible to just - move on? without it being rug sweeping? By this I mean, obviously figuring out what the work is to do.

But I find myself having moments of just - not caring. So he slept with her, he had feelings for her. Maybe he still does. Sure. Everyone's human. I even have moments where I don't care that he still wants to stay in contact with her. He chose me in the end.

Before we got together, I was under the belief that you have lots of different types of love in your life. Sex is can just be sex. I'll add that I probably have had double his partners (he's only had like 3.) But I used to be so sex positive and love positive and I miss the way I used to view the world. I've never been polymerous, but I understand humans are complex. I still often think about my first love and second love and so on. Doesn't mean I don't love my partner, it's different. I've lost a lot of self-esteem since then, though. I wonder if I can find that lens here to find peace in my heart no matter what I choose to do.

I wonder, if it's possible to be so healed, so secure that you are just at peace? With meditation? With empathy? With understanding that humans relations can be complex and people can be and people can exist apart from each other? I can choose to play the mind movies and cry for what could have been. Or, I could accept this for what it is.

Maybe it's naive of me, or maybe I just simply don't care about my wayward enough. I want to feel confident and secure enough in myself that it doesn't matter in his dark times he didn't think of me. That AP exists as her own being. I have no hate for her. He says it wasn't about me. I know that. But I've been doing research on mindfulness and meditation and I just wonder if it's possible to heal your way through this individually and choose to love and trust them anyways.

I haven't been able to find that perspective here. It's all very similar, cut off AP, wayward starts groveling, therapy, trust never returns. I appreciate the vault of knowledge we all share here. I'm just curious if there are any others here that wonder this? Or have experience with this? Is it possible to reach such a level of healing and peace that it simply doesn't matter to you? Or am I just rug sweeping?

Please, open minded responses only!