oh the memories ππ
I was cleaning out mine and my WH closet. I came across a box of stuff I've held onto over the years that were memories of me and him. We've been together since we were 17 so there's quite a bit.
In that box were multiple notes and letters her wrong me in high school, and during our time doing long distance. They broke my heart today. I sat in our closet crying... those letters were filled with how much he loved me, how he couldn't wait to marry me and couldn't wait to have kids with me and a house. He said he couldn't live without me, and that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. He said all these things that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I read them. I sat and cried thinking how could someone who felt that way about me, cheat on me for 4 yearsππ.
I also came across the letters we wrote to each other before our wedding day and I cried more. in that letter he said he wanted to give me and our kids the best life and said how much he loved me. He wrote that letter months deep into his EA...I sat there and cried knowing he was writing those words to me while saying something every similar to someone else.
These letter tore me apart. The happy perfect life and family I pictured with him for years is not a thing all because he chose to cheat on me ππ. The man I chose to be my husband through sickness and health, through good and bad, till death.... wasn't choosing me for 4 years. During my bad times he left me. He wasn't there. I crave the kind of love we had back in high school. the unconditional love. I know we aren't 17 anymore and we've changed but i want to feel secure in my marriage the way I did at 17... I want to know he loves me and only me. I want to know I'm the one he wants to be with. I don't want to question what he's doing on his phone, I don't want to question if I'm good enough. I want the happy, perfect marriage, life and family I always pictured with him and that picture will forever be altered because he made the decision to cheat.
Fuck this reality im living.