Struggling to Rebuild After D-Day: Finding Hope Amid Doubts
Hi everyone,
My WS (wife/wayward spouse) and I have been together for over a decade, and we have a child together. Six months ago, I discovered she had been having an affair (D-Day). She admitted to it when I confronted her, and since then, we’ve been working to rebuild our relationship.
The affair was devastating. She told me she’d been unhappy for years but never communicated that to me. Instead, she disconnected, shared her unhappiness with friends, and eventually stepped out of our marriage. What hurts most is knowing she was ready to leave me for someone she barely knew while I was still fully invested in us. To make things worse, she even introduced AP (affair partner) to our son during one of their outings, which I find incredibly hurtful and hard to forgive.
That said, we’ve made significant progress since D-Day. She’s more affectionate, we’ve had moments of emotional and physical intimacy, and there are glimpses of “the good old days.” She’s taking steps to reassure me, and I can feel her commitment to rebuilding. Despite my insecurities, I believe we’re moving in the right direction.
Where I’m struggling is with the lingering fears and doubts:
Doubts About Full Transparency: I worry there are things she hasn’t told me, like the full timeline of the affair or whether there was another one. While I don’t want to keep revisiting it, the uncertainty is hard to live with.
Triggers Everywhere: Places, objects, even our child mentioning AP’s son—all of it pulls me back into the pain and makes moving forward harder.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): My WS has always had a strong fear of missing out, and I suspect it contributed to the affair. She’s admitted that she looks for excitement and novelty, and I worry that this mindset might make her vulnerable to seeking fulfillment elsewhere in the future.
Sexual Insecurity: She says she felt a deep attraction to AP that she’s never felt with me. Our sex life has resumed, but it’s inconsistent, and I feel like I’m constantly trying to “measure up.”
Fear of the Future: What if she disconnects again? What if she starts looking for that “spark” elsewhere? Even though she seems fully committed now, I don’t think I could survive this a second time.
Despite these challenges, I’m holding on to hope. We’ve come a long way in rebuilding trust and connection, and I love her deeply. But I’d be lying if I said the fear of history repeating itself doesn’t weigh on me.
For those of you who’ve been through this, how do you handle the lingering doubts, the fear of another betrayal, and the insecurities that follow infidelity? And how do you continue to build trust—not just in your partner but in the relationship as a whole?
Thanks for reading. I’d really appreciate any advice or perspectives.