Need Some Positivity

Whenever I look up advice or stories or general knowledge about cheating, being cheated on, or even the perspective of the cheater, I am left not wanting to try anymore. I haven't posted here before but I've come here a lot and tbh it makes me pretty angry that the only posts I see while scrolling are from us, the betrayed. Idk, just proves how much more work we have to do.

Anyway, from the reconciled/reconciling, whether you're the betrayed or wayward, can I just hear some positives? Anything at all about the process, the outcome...anything.

I am in a constant state of numb. That's about as "happy" as I can get. Neutral. Anything that isn't neutral is sadness, anger, hurt, hate....you know how it is.

I'm stuck in this feeling of, "yeah it's better than it was when I found out" and "my WH is doing so much work it's actually crazy. I wonder if anyone in the history of cheating has put in this much work or gone through as much pain as my WH."

So why do I feel nothing? I don't know if I'm just extremely guarded right now and it's blocked any sort of emotional response to him that isn't at best apathy, and at worst hate, but the sliver of positive stories I see are always countered with negatives. Whether from other people or the writer themselves and I'm desperate to hear from anyone who can leave out the hurtful details of their story and just tell me the positives that have happened on their journey.

Maybe that's asking a lot, idk. I understand we all need to let our feelings out, I just need something to give me hope that doesn't also include the details of what these people do to us.

EDIT TO ADD: it's pretty silly that the OP can't comment on their own post if their flair doesn't match what they are requiring on their post lol I am *considering* R so I want to hear from people who have already decided to haha