I did a horrible thing

I feel disgusted with myself but I also feel justified and I also feel hopeless.

I don't know if it's intuition, paranoia, anxiety or a combination of but I just have been so hopeless lately. My husband claims he only sexted one girl, kissed one girl, and would flirt with girls on Snapchat.

We even went to MC and he gave me a disclosure letter and did not admit to any PA. I have been pressing him for weeks and sometimes taking other routes, doing anything I can to make him feel comfortable to just. come. clean.

I have been feeling so horrible lately my anxiety is through the roof. I feel nauseous. Depressed. I am such a happy person and I would never take my life but I even had thoughts like If only I could go to sleep and not wake up. I can not take not knowing anymore. Maybe I could take TT if I knew the truth but he doesn't know I know. Let him come clean on his own.

I downloaded his IG data. I haven't looked at it yet but I saw some of his sticker responses on this account. His responses to those stickers alone make me feel so sick and have me a tiny bit of confirmation.

He was voting on his stance of situations, would you rather, etc. from what I saw, I think he had a threesome with his best friend and this girl that was on my water polo team in high school. I think I'm in shock. I am not shaking or shitting or crying or throwing up yet. I'm going to wait until I get home to look at the data from those dates and see if I get confirmation or not.

I know I did a shitty shitty thing. I know this is a huge invasion of privacy. But I really needed this. I really need to know and I can't take it anymore. I will try to post an update of my findings and the confrontation after Christmas :(. I'm so heartbroken

EDIT :

Hi everyone. This is a mini update and I don't feel like doing a separate post. PSA to all BS, if you are snooping and your WW doesn't know please don't forget to log back into the fucking accounts on their phone FML. I changed his Snapchat password so I could download data, forgot to log back in on his phone because I didn't realize it would sign him out. He caught me without catching me and flat out said hey it logged me out of my Snapchat and my password isn't working did you change it ? I denied it but I know he knows it's bullshit.

On Instagram I found all the nudes he and his best friend sent to each other. Like I said in high school they would send each other girls or nudes they received and discuss whether they would smash or not etc. that's sucks a lot. But worse than that to me is the way he spoke of me. For about two years he would constantly tell his best friend he's tired of me or needs a break from me and won't be bringing me to the hangout or that he wants to end things but doesn't want to hurt me. All the while his best friend was constantly like "END IT NIGGAAA!!!!!" And they thought I was cheating on him because I added a coworker on Snapchat and was being weird about it. This is true but only because I knew it was disrespectful I added him but I would've never cheated flirted or anything. And I removed him after a couple days because I realized he never wanted innocence there were hidden motives and he probably thought he would get nudes from me which never happened. And even worse his comments on regular posts. He made statements similar to he hates his wife or is stuck :(. I'm so sad. But I just wanted to let you guys know - with both Instagram and Snapchat data, if they deleted anything then it won't be in the data. There are a whole bunch of blanks on everything I downloaded. I feel like shit because I already felt out first five years was a lie and ruined. But to see he never wanted me until like what 2021? That was only theee years ago bro. So the first six years I was just a place holder and he didn't give a fuck? He never would've married me if I didn't make him. I didn't find anyone hard evidence he cheated with anyone I don't already know about. Although he did send this text :
Niggas who say that eating ass is nasty have never been with a thick Latina smh So I feel like that's confirm he at least performed oral sex on the girl I do know about but idk. I feel like shit because I feel like nothing is concrete and I'm invading privacy from nothing. But also maybe this is confirmation they met up and he ate her ass? Idfk. I'm sad and nervous. Even though I feel like he high key knows I'm deep diving in his shit, he's making me feel like I don't have a right to or whatever. Or like there's no use because he didn't do anything. I have to go but I'll reply to comments later. Fuck