2 days post d-day

I discovered my husband has been exchanging texts with his assistant. “I’ve never met anyone like you”, “there’s nowhere I’d rather be here than with” as he accompanied her to a doctors appointment for her nose job WITH OUR SON. He came home at 4 am after ua holiday work party and I woke up to the sound of the door opening. He lied that he’d fallen asleep downstairs. That’s what tipped me off. He fell asleep because he was drunk. I checked his phone and found the messages.

I printed them out and confronted him. He admitted they’d become “close friends” and after pushing admitted it was inappropriate. He started trickle truthing me and when I demanded to know where he was from the time the party ended at 2 am to 4 am when he got home, he told me he’d driven everyone to their cars. They were alone and she told him she has feelings for him then tried to kiss him. He pushed her away and said he’s a married man and won’t betray his family. He says there was never anything physical, no dates, just long conversations.

He hadn’t been planning on telling me and says he hoped she’d quit. He’s begging me to stay and swears if I give him a chance, he will spend every day he’s alive proving it’s the right decision. He admits full fault that he knew she had feelings and encouraged her. He claims it was all meaningless in his end and was self destructing. He says he wants to go to counseling with me.

We have 3 young kids under 7 and I detest the idea of breaking up their home. Yes, I’m not the one who broke it but it would be my decision. And that feels beyond unfair that it’s dumped on ME to make that choice.

I said you have to fire her and he did. But then we had a call with the lawyer. He’s her employer and she could sure his practice and would likely win. It would be a massive blow. The lawyer strongly advised that he NOT terminate her and change her schedule so she stays on but works a different schedule than him.

I can’t bear the idea of her being around at all. How do I even consider reconciliation with this shitstorm?! He has jeopardized our family in every way. And it feels wildly unfair that not only am I dealing with the feeling of betrayal and hurt but now this legal shit too?!

ETA: I put my career of being a dentist on the back burner to stay home with our kids. AND we were trying for a 4th child that we both wanted.

ETA2: He really picked a winner. She’s fucking insane. She accused me of breaking her window and today she sent a message “tell your bitch to stop driving by my house”

Help me.