Triggered last night and I froze. He was noticeably upset and is now brushing me off.

We were watching a show last night and her name was mentioned. In the skit, the person kept asking her name and asked her to spell it. The female character then blurted out how her name was spelled, which was a more uncommon way to spell that name and happened to be the way AP spells her name.

I didn’t really react to it to show my WP but I felt my body started to physically have some sort of attack with my heart racing and I felt faint and broke out in a sweat. This was when I was laying in bed with him watching the show. The skit actually was supposed to be funny where the female kept mentioning her name while her date didn’t remember it, and he asked her to spell it, and she spelled it a unique way… like APs.

WP finally said, “this is fucking stupid, what the fuck.” And changed the channel. I didn’t feel present and while I didn’t lash out or ask any questions, this time I went silent and sort of disengaged after I started thinking about AP.

Later WP disengaged himself. He asked what he did wrong and I told him he absolutely didn’t do anything wrong, that it was just me having a moment. I tried to be more loving later on but was met with coldness and he wouldn’t even hold me. I told him I needed him to show love and he remained cold until he fell asleep.

We woke up this morning and he was still distant, didn’t kiss me good morning and just walked out of the room. I tried to get close and he somewhat reciprocated but it was obvious he didn’t want to. I kept trying to talk and tell him about my struggle and that I needed reassurance as he was really starting to make me feel unwanted and he was cold, saying nothing was wrong, etc. We both went to work, he called me to talk for about 2 minutes during his lunch break. I just tried calling him now and he was just working from home. Again, very distant, his tone was so dismissive like he wanted nothing to do with me and just said he would call me later. Conversation lasted maybe a minute.

I’m sitting here crying because all I want is for him to be open with me and make me feel safe. That was an issue with us, that he wasn’t open with me, and ended up continuing to fuck this nasty bitch off and on. He promised he would be open with me going forward and if he were to ever have any issues with us, he would be open to talking and being vulnerable with me and to make me feel safe and secure. And now he is shutting me out. I just feel so lost and like all his reassuring words meant nothing.