Wife and I need HELP! PLEASE HELP!!!

20+ years together in what we both would describe as a "unicorn" relationship/marriage. We both loved each other and always looked forward to spending time / hanging out together even after 20 years. We always talked about how lucky we were that we still loved and liked each other in every way.

Then there was a period of about 6 months where we became sorta detached, she started to take on a new identity of sorts, I became distant emotionally. Then she had an affair. During the month long affair she was like Dr. Jekyll & Mr Hyde.... either crushed in shame and not knowing who she was, or caught in this sorta trance like state where she wasn't here in reality just sorta like a robot on autopilot. At times she begged me for help while crying in agony. I have stayed by her side and been trying to help her the entire time.

She ended the affair, blocked him, told her not to contact her ever again etc. etc.

Now, 3 months later after the affair ended we are trying to navigate. She never lied about anything, and tells me any answer I want to know. She says she disconnected from me before the affair and doesn't know how to reconnect with herself or me. We try filling our time with going to spend time with family and friends, watch movies etc. but we are not snuggling or sexual or emotional (aside for when we have talks about trying to figure all this out, then it's crushing sadness and confusion).

I was stronger for her in the beginning but now am starting to have uncontrollable emotional downfalls. Not anger or fighting, just pain and sadness wanting her to show remorse and try to help get closer to me. We were always soooo close to each other before.

She acknowledges selfishness that she can only focus on how bad this is hurting her that she has nothing to give me of what I need, because she can't function every day and dreads coming home because we are in this situation. Everything feels dark and heavy to her (me as well), while still managing a professional stature in her place of employment. She says she is trying to get back to me but doesn't know how. I forgive her...humans do things they regret.. but my emotional needs for healing seem to put more weight on her because she doesn't want to fake it, she wants to feel connected to me again but doesn't know how especially when she is still trying to reconcile with herself and her choices & actions.

What type of therapist or psychologist should we seek out for her? Would EMS Weekend be a good thing? Are there any good virtual therapists who specialize in this sort of thing? Our area is very limited for good mental health.

Any and all suggestions or resources are very much appreciated... we do not want to lose 20+ years of a life we built together and are hoping we can get out of this dark horrible limbo we are in and find some light and hope.