2 months since dday

Today marks 2 months since dday.

I know there's no right or wrong way to heal from a situation like this but I need to say I feel really good about where things are right now. it took up until last week for me to feel this way. Prior to last week I was on that emotional Rollercoaster all day every day. If you asked me this time last week if I thought we could work things out I'd probably say no. Then our MC session happened last Thursday and everything changed.

For 2 months I was telling my WH that I needed an apology from him and for him to take accountability for his actions. He kept telling me "how is sorry going to fix it?" and "i don't think it's going to mean anything to you right now." I really needed an apology in order to start fully putting in effort into fixing our marriage. I didn't think I would ever get it from him. He just kept saying it won't mean anything or fix anything. Then our MC session happened and I brought it up to therapy therapist and my husband again. Our MC said "by you not giving her an apology YOU are saying she's not ready for it when she's telling you she is." He was not giving it to me because he didn't think its what I needed/wanted because it wasn't going to fix the hurt his actions caused, even though I told him I needed him to apologize for my healing.

Our MC really got through to him that session and he apologized😭 sincerely apologized. I told him I may not fully believe him yet, and that's where he needs to show me what he's saying is true by his actions, but I needed to hear those words out out his mouth in order to really start to R. I left that session feeling so damn good. Since then I've been happy. I feel so confident that we can get through this and we can be that happy family we've wanted. I never imagined I'd feel this good 2 months post dday but here I am. I don't trust him yet, and won't for a while, but the gaping wound inside my has finally started to hear with his apology.

Things have gone so well that he even said I love you again to me. We've been intimate and it feels so right. We've smiled and laughed like we did when we first started dating. We are bonding again. I feel so damn good and I want this to last and be who we are for the rest of our lives.

On top of us being good ive been working so hard to heal myself. I'm finding hobbies I like, I'm doing things for me again. I feel like I have started to really figure out what it's like to be happy with who I am and im loving myself again. I have a long way to go but it's amazing what some self love can do.

2 months post dday is not a lot of time, but I am so thankful for the way things are going now. I was ready to leave him not to long ago and then something just clicked and things turned around. Here's to hoping this continues and we can build the marriage and life we've always wanted. I hope this give someone here some light and hope. I hope everyone reading this finds their happiness again and can heal from this awful pain they're feeling.