My experience with a failed healthcare system.

long post, only read it if you want to. I've always had bad experiences with the American healthcare system. I've been in and out of it for mental health since a pre teen. I have been misdiagnosed and put on every different ssri possible. Eventually, after therapy and medications failed, I gave up. I decided to just have my pcp prescribe me the venlafaxine that I'm now stuck on, unable to get off. Years have passed, and I'm now 28.

Things have only gotten worse mentally. I have cycles of panic attacks, leading into depression, and eventually manic episodes. During the manic episodes I find myself full of motivation and usually start a career. It'll be good for a while, I'll excel, and then like always I spiral down... I start having severe panic attacks on a daily basis, sometimes hospitalizing myself. Unfortunately, xanax is the only thing that stops them, and only temporarily. I know how dangerous they can be, I only use them as a last resort. This will last up to months at a time, eventually subsiding but leaving me in a very depressed state, at this point I've had to quit everything I was pursuing to deal with my disorder... I'll be too depressed to even leave my bed. After a period of time, I'll become manic again, and the cycle repeats.

Today, after 2 weeks of build up, I decided to give healthcare another shot. I'm desperate. It takes 3 hours of filling out forms at the ozark center all to schedule an appt with a nurse practitioner because the psychiatrist is booked. The appt is not until mid November. That's too far. They recommend I go to their emergency mental health facility in the meantime, to get started with evaluation and possibly medicine.

I explain to this 'psychiatrist' to my best ability what I go through, and that I'm here to get a proper diagnosis so I can be treated correctly. I have never been more shocked in my life when this man looked at me and said, "you say your panic is the worst of it, and xanax is the only thing that stops it... your pcp gives you xanax, so why are you here?"

He said a few more things that made me feel put down and question my reality.

I wanted to walk out, but I stayed. He left in the middle of our talk for a meeting, and I'm here waiting still. I'm terrified to even continue here, but it's literally my only choice . There isn't any other providers that accept my insurance. All I want is a proper diagnosis, and to be put on the correct medication (he told me himself that I was on the wrong type for what I describe.) I feel shitty for even getting out of bed today, just to come here and confirm all my skepticism I've always had for healthcare.