AITA for giving my friends an "ultimatum" about drinking?

For context: I (37F) am an addict, sober 4 years. I started drinking to excess when I had my twins - they were incredibly premature and sick, I was not able to breastfeed, and I had little to no support from my then-boyfriend, now husband (35M). I was not a safe or effective parent to my children and I got sober when they were about 8 months old. I relapsed when we had our 3rd child, about 6 years ago. It was incredibly traumatizing to my twins and I will never forgive myself for putting them through that. I am now in recovery, going to meetings, my children are in therapy, but what happened then is something that will never be forgotten by any of us.

My problem: My husband and I are friends with a married couple, Mary and Mark. They are very close friends of ours and love our kids, they don't have any of their own. Our children refer to them as aunt and uncle. Mary and Mark are big on hosting and often invite us over for dinner parties, game nights, etc. At every one of these gatherings, alcohol is a big part of the night. Mary is an amateur sommelier and Mark takes mixology classes. At dinner parties, there is a big show of the wine pairings and "house" cocktail, they theme drinks to the game we're playing or movie we're watching. They do not put pressure on us to drink, but there is a very big emphasis on alcohol, which I'm fine with, but my kids aren't. Not every gathering is children invited, so we don't bring them to everything. When they are invited, Mary and Mark push for them to come, even when we have tried leaving them at home.

Last weekend, we went to a dinner party they hosted. As usual, alcohol was a large focus. It made my kids so uncomfortable and anxious that my son asked if I would sit outside with him for a while. After dinner, I pulled Mary and Mark aside and let them know what had happened and told them that unless alcohol can be significantly dialed back, we won't be able to attend any of their gatherings. We'd love to have them over, go out for lunch, etc., but we can't have our children in a setting where alcohol is so present, until they've had some more time to work on this with their therapists.

At the time of the conversation, Mary and Mark sort of nodded along, didn't really want to entertain the conversation, it felt like. I took my kids home. The next day, Mary sent me a text saying she thought I was a better person than this, that I clearly have a lot of issues if I need her to "handle them" for me, and that she would need a good apology if she was going to consider salvaging our friendship. I feel really hurt. I was trying to stick up for my kids, but clearly, it backfired. My husband says that what I said probably sounded like an ultimatum, which is why she sees me as an AH and he would too, if he were in her situation.

AITA for giving my friends an "ultimatum" about drinking?

EDIT: From a comment, expanding on what exactly was said: "I said that my kids were having a really hard time with the focus that was put on alcohol at their gatherings and that unless they started to dial that back, we weren't going to be able to attend anymore. I let them know that we could always hang out, but it would need to be in a more alcohol-neutral situation."