“Impure bitch”

Thats what my almost 13 year old sister calls me, occasionally.

I turned 18, two days ago and what was meant to be a fresh start has turned into a nightmare since I’ve confided in something really personal with my sister.

A little backstory: my parents are extremely strict. They’re traditional Asian parents who don’t trust me at all. I’ve been caught texting guys before and hanging out with two, which is a huge deal in their eyes. Ever since then, they’ve kept me on a tight leash. They’ve even resorted to extreme punishments, like pulling at my hair so hard it bled. I’ve learned my lesson and even realised they were right- they were only trying to protect me, and I’ve been careful ever since. But their lack of trust still stings.

For my birthday, my ex-boyfriend (who I’m no longer with) gave me some gifts. My parents, naturally, were suspicious. They’re not the kind to believe a friend would spend money on me, even for my birthday. I didn’t know how to explain it. It was all so overwhelming.

For some reason—maybe because I was feeling vulnerable—I decided to confide in my sister. I told her about my ex. I even told her about the worst thing that ever happened to me: I was raped 3 times at 15- something my closest friends only know and the police ( i didn’t report it, my friend did and i lied and said it was all consensual as I didn’t want to get into trouble and my parents finding out as id maybe even be killed). I don’t know why I thought she’d understand or support me. I just needed someone to talk to. Instead, she took that information and started using it against me.

She’s been blackmailing me ever since. It started small—she wanted me to buy her vapes. I refused, obviously, but then she threatened to tell my parents about my ex and the gifts he gave me. She mocked me, saying, “Who do you think they’ll believe?” She even threw the rape in my face, mocking me for it.

I’ve tried to undo it. I told her that the rape wasn’t true, that I’d made it up out of shame or for her to feel sorry for me—anything to get her off my back. But instead of letting it go, she twisted it around, calling me sick for “making up” something like that and saying she’s still going to tell my parents about my ex. It’s like no matter what I say, she’s determined to ruin me.

Every night now, she brings it up, dangling it over my head like a weapon. The worst part is, she might actually follow through because she has done it in the past. If my parents find out, it’ll be a disaster. They already told her to “keep an eye on me,” and when I told them I had a call with a guy from work experience (for medicine interview prep), I lied and said it was a group call. They’re constantly suspicious of me, even when I’m volunteering at the hospital.

What terrifies me most is what my mom might do if she finds out. She’s checked my phone before, gone through my things, and I wouldn’t put it past her to go as far as checking my hymen to “verify” things. Just the thought makes me feel sick.

I regret ever opening up to my sister. I feel trapped. I can’t tell my parents the truth because they’ll never believe me. I can’t trust my sister, and now I can’t even trust myself to make the right choices. It feels like I’m suffocating, and I don’t know what to do.

Please help me. How do I get out of this situation?

P.S. Moving out/being disowned is not on the table, I still want a relationship with all of them.