I don’t feel like a real adult.

Hi everyone, I am a 21-year-old woman turning 22 soon, and I’m deeply dissatisfied with my life and feel stuck in mediocrity. For years I’ve been labeled lazy and selfish by family for years, which I now recognize as partly true after self-reflection. I believe that I may have depression and bipolar disorder, though I haven’t been diagnosed. Though I must admit, losing my mother at 15 left me feeling purposeless, leading to struggles with motivation, discipline, and suicidal thoughts.

A little back story behind my daily schedule: I spend excessive time on social media (7+ hours daily), have a poor sleep schedule (2-3 AM to 10-11 AM), and lack a sense of direction. While I’m about to graduate university, I have no job, side hustle, or meaningful connections to look forward to. I dream of becoming a hairstylist (and set up an Instagram page a year ago) but haven’t taken steps toward my goal, I have not posted anything or even tried to get clientele. My past jobs have even ended in quitting or termination due to lack of interest or effort on my part.

I want to transform my life, starting with consistent gym attendance, reducing screen time, cooking more, improving my faith, fixing my sleep schedule, and becoming more disciplined and less selfish. I struggle with laziness, fear change, and feel addicted to dopamine highs, which make slower tasks unappealing for me. A recent cooking mistake led to my father telling me to “step it up,” serving as a wake-up call for myself. I’m seeking advice on breaking my cycle of self-destruction and creating a better future. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!!