I lied and now my relationship is ruined

Hi, its my first post so bare with me. I(31f) met my now boyfriend(34m) through parents. Both of us were not really interested in each others profiles so when our numbers exchanged we hardly texted for a day and decided to meet in person. Since the texting was so dry, i wasn't able to gauge his interest and hence decided that this will hust be a formality and I'll be home soon. Or so i told my roommate. We met and instantly hit it off, at least according to me. For context, at that time i was talking to other guys with a prospect of marriage but it wasn't really going anywhere. I got very involved with my now boyfriend very fast and in some weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. At that time, i was talking to a guy, M. I wasn't romantically interested in M but he was a very sweet and helping friend. I didn't want to cut him out plus i owed him some money for a trip he had organized for me and my friends. So while my boyfriend was out of country, i visited a relatice in another state where M lived(coincidental). He kept insisting to meet and that he will pick me up from the airport and teach me driving etc. I finally gave in and decided that i will return him his money and friend zone him when i meet him. Note - we were never physically or emotionally involved. When i met M i lied to my boyfriend that i was with my relatives. For context - i once went to meet a different guy friend for brunch when my boyfriend was out of town and he did not like it at all. We had a big argument and his main point of contest was that u shouldn't be wanting to meet guys if i plan to get married to him(this was 2 months in the relationship). This was the reason i lied to him about meeting M. In my mind it was a white lie that i needed to tie some.loose ends so that i can wholeheartedly be with my boyfriend without worrying about other guys. For the other guys i was talking to, i had cut them out already after meeting my boyfriend. With M too, i gave him the money i owed him, and have limited my contact with him. Cut to yesterday, i asked my boyfriend what were his thoughts about marriage. After some beating around the bush, he said i hadn't fulfilled some of his 'expectations' as i should have. After probing a bit he said he suspected there were other men in my life. When i said there weren't and i had always been loyal to him, he hinted that someone told him that i had texted a guys who i had previously hooked up with. I was shattered and broke down. I said i had never been unfaithful to which he directly asked who is M and did i meet him when he wasn't in the country. I panicked and lied that i didnt meet him. He said if i didnt have anything to hide, i should have offered to let him check my phone. I came clean that i did meet M but it meant nothing. Gave him my phone. He opened my chat with M and said what is this! Now i had completely forgotten that M had picked me from airport since my family wasn't available. I also met him one more time for dinner and he taught me driving on the way back. My boyfriend saw that and flipped out. He was hurt because i lied. I know im at fault for lying but i honestly had no other intentions. Now he's not talking to me and i dont know what to do. I really love him and im dying inside feeling guilty and know i possibly lost his trust forever and ruined it all. He also said there are more things that he has heard about me that he is not okay with. How should i handle this situation? I really want this to work but don't know how can we move past this?

Edit: i feel like i need to clarify some things.

Dating timeline - i met my boyfriend 6 months back

He knew about this M incident since 3 months now and decided not to tell me. He wanted me to bring it up myself. And he only brought this up because i asked him "where do you see us going next".

I didn't go to another state to meet M. I had to go there anyway.

His exact words were "I've heard some things about you from someone who might have a vested interest in this not working out. I cant not have an idea and have people come up to me and say oh i picked your girl from airport"

3 months in the relationship he wanted to check my phone(he said it jokingly but now i think he meant it) and when i said "then i need to see your phone too", he downright refused and said I'm never showing anyone my phone.

About meeting another friend, i informed him before i went and he said "i dont approve of it" When i came back from the brunch, he gave me an earful about going against his wish and that i should have respected his wish and not went.

About people assuming I'm stringing men along, im not. In an arranged marriage setup, you are expected to initially talk to multiple people. He was doing the same.

I couldn't send M the money because he had no account for zelle/cashapp.

I know im in the wrong and I've apologized to him. I even told him that I'll respect his decision whatever it might be.