Info dumping and how to manage it best
Dx: ADHD
Hi everyone, I’m new to this sub and I’m so glad I found it.
I’ve been married for 20 years to a man who was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. It’s been a learning curve since then, obviously mainly for him but also me to a lesser degree.
One behaviour that I now have a name for is info dumping! It’s good to be able to name this as it’s been a big problem in our communication over the years. It’s an even bigger problem because it’s colliding with a childhood issue I have which is that I was brought up to believe that men’s opinions and experiences matter more than women’s.
My partner is a prolific info dumper. I’ve read through advice about this and it’s mainly coming from people with ASD and ADHD. They say that info dumping is a love language and it’s a good thing. Or they recommend ways to stop the info dump or defer it to another time.
I know this . I love my husband and I know how much he loves me. That’s not the issue. The issue that at the moment every topic I raise turns into and info dump. Even topics that are in my exact area of specialty, he’ll just misunderstand what I’m saying and then the topic twists into something that turns into an info dump. So I end up just listening to a monologue.
Thing is, I adore my husband and when I bring topics up it’s because I value his actual input. But this upsets me. I want to be able to talk to him without it turning into a monologue that doesn’t stop about something with only a light association to what I said. I try not to get upset because I know he can’t help it but it still hurts.
I do engage with topics he brings up and also with large quantities of information at once quite regularly. I just don’t want it to be all that.
I’ve noticed recently that I’m avoiding bringing up anything at all that isn’t logistical or really basic. But I feel like that’s not healthy.
Any advice please?