[Excerpt: Pharos] Ultramarines are concerned and supportive of their neophytes experiencing nightmares and visions
Context: Pretty much at the start of the novel we are introduced to one of the main characters, Oberdeii a neophyte scout who is suffering from profound nightmares and visions of doom. Feeling like a failure, he trains against a dangerous combat-servitor in a semi-attempt a suicide, but manages to win. His scout sergeant finds him and takes him to a group of Ultramarines that are there to check for any taints from the warp.
The scene is surprisingly warm and shows the deep care the scout sergeant has for his neophytes, even reassuring him that fear and anxiety are normal and will get better as the training progresses until they become fully-fledged astartes.
His breathing thundered in his ears, the whine of his blood a deafening contretemps. His agitation had activated his secondary heart again, and the sounding of the double-thump of his pulse intensified his feelings of unworthiness. He was no warrior, but a lost boy, frightened of things in the night.
He tried to ignore the half-formed presences lurking at the edge of his senses. He tried to keep his training to the forefront of his mind, to banish all emotion..
Focus, he thought. They shall know no fear.
That had been the Emperor’s command and promise of the Legiones Astartes.
Focus on it.
But for all his enhancements and hypno-training, he was no Space Marine. Not yet.
He was terrified. A deeper fear gripped him, that he had failed like so many before him, that his fear made him unworthy to join the ranks of the XIII as a full legionary. The shame angered him, and though the anger fought his fear, still he anticipated what was to come with dread. He remembered what happened exactly, cursed by his enhanced memory. The pain of the knowledge would live with him forever, even as the faces of his family faded.
His dream self rode his memories, urging the Oberdeii of the past to stop where he was, not to take the next step and take the plunge into the night and its terrible illumination. He wanted to turn around, to find some small light that would hold back the dark.
But he could not. All this had already happened.
Four steps, that was all. Four steps before he fell and he knew too much. Oberdeii’s foot lifted, and his dream self shouted out a warning, urging him to embrace the safety of ignorance.
A mind touched his own. Calm suffused him. In his dream, his foot paused, halting above the abyss.
‘Enough,’ an unfamiliar voice said, and the dream was over.
A hand took his, firm and fatherly.
Oberdeii opened his eyes. They were gritty as if from a long night’s sleep. The whiteness of the apothecarion dazzled him after the remembered dark.
‘Neophyte Oberdeii. Are you awake?’
Sergeant Arkus stood over him, holding his hand gently.
It took Oberdeii a moment to gather his thoughts.
‘Oberdeii?’ Arkus looked behind himself and spoke to the others. ‘He has been like this often.’
Oberdeii held up his hand and pushed himself from the cot. The gel pads of monitoring equipment that had not been there when he went into his vision pulled at his skin. Shakily, he swung his legs over the side.
‘I am awake.’
His throat was dry. Had he slept? He hung his head, and gripped the side of the bed. His hands felt too large. In the dream, he had not been as he was. He had retreated to an earlier, more vulnerable state. A true boy, not a half-way chimera between human and transhuman.
‘I am awake,’ he repeated, mainly to convince himself.
Taricus motioned that Oberdeii should lift the sleeve of his tunic. The hypo device rotated a fresh set of needles into position, and he pressed these into the boy’s arm. Taricus held up the attached device to his face and hummed at the results playing over the screen, then consulted the larger display embedded in the wall over the cot. ‘All results are normal. The neophyte remains a perfect subject for transformation, medically speaking.’
A third spoke. Oberdeii lifted his head at the sound of this voice, for it had spoken in his dream.
‘He shows no sign of psychic taint. The boy is not a psyker,’ said Sergio.
Arkus looked down at Oberdeii as if asking his permission for something, then stood between his ward and his examiner.
‘It is as I said, Brother Sergio. None of my boys have such abilities. Please inform Lord Prayto of your findings, and all will be in order. He is an exceptional candidate.’
‘Arkus,’ said Adallus warningly.
Sergio’s eyes narrowed. Oberdeii longed to escape their scrutiny.
‘It is as Sergeant Arkus says,’ said Adallus. ‘All of us who have spent any time on the mountain have had similar dreams and visions. Oberdeii has spent more time there than most, that is all.’
‘Why?’ asked Hortensian. ‘Your rotation schedule says no member of the Hundred and Ninety-Ninth spends longer than one week upon the surface at a time.’
‘Oberdeii spent a lot of time there before I altered the company’s duty roster. The Scouts have done, and still do, a lot of their training around the area. The terrain is ideal, and they add another layer of security to operations there.’
‘You also have spent a great deal of time on the surface, brother,’ countered Hortensian. ‘Your experiences have not put you into a near coma.’
Oberdeii watched his superiors. A certain amount of tension entered the exchange.
‘None of you report the intensity of what this boy says he experienced,’ said Sergio.
‘None of the rest of us are neophytes,’ said Arkus. ‘He is the youngest of all the recruits. Perhaps his age makes him more susceptible. He was the one who dreamed of the arrival of Sanguinius and the Ninth Legion, to our advantage. It is a matter of exposure, I hold.’
Sergio stared at Adallus a long time, his face inscrutable. ‘You understand that we must investigate these manifestations. The enemy openly courts extra-dimensional fiends.’
‘Daemons,’ said Adallus flatly.
‘If you will,’ said Sergio. ‘However you name them, we have entered uncharted territory. No potential risk can go unchallenged.’
‘I myself dreamed of Curze’s attack on Magna Macragge Civitas, and I am no pysker,’ said Adallus.
‘You are not,’ agreed Sergio.
‘So then,’ said Adallus. ‘Now you have judged us all, and Oberdeii you have probed the longest. Surely you are done with your investigation?’
‘Your tone is sharp, captain,’ warned Hortensian.
‘My apologies, brother. I am diverting a great deal of time and energy to this investigation when I should be seeing to the fortification of Sotha. I beg your forgiveness.’
‘Remember that we are here at the primarch’s command, Adallus,’ said Hortensian. ‘Epistolary, are you satisfied?’
Sergio breathed out. His face lost its intensity, and relaxed. He blinked like a man drawn abruptly from the fields of memory. He transformed in that moment, becoming someone kinder, though his air of uncanniness lingered. ‘I am.’
‘Your verdict?’
‘I shall return to Lord Prayto and report that the Hundred and Ninety-Ninth is free of the influence of the warp.’
‘What of the visions? Is there anything more to be gleaned from them?’ said Hortensian.
‘Oberdeii has a foreboding of some great calamity,’ said Sergio. ‘That much I could read. There have been verified precognitive episodes here, but equally many legionaries have had dreams that have not come to pass. Any foreknowledge is unreliable, and predictions from a xenos machine I am suspicious of. Furthermore, once one is aware that visions and omens are possible, then every ripple in a pool of water takes on unwarranted significance. What concerns Oberdeii could be conjured from imagination alone. Best to be vigilant against any threat. It is all we can do. What I am sure of is that whatever is causing your warriors to experience what they do, is not born directly of the immaterium.’
‘What is it?’ asked Adallus. ‘Are my men safe?’
The Librarian shrugged. ‘A question better suited for a Techmarine than I, but I see no adverse effect.’
‘An opinion that will satisfy the Lord Protector, and our father.’
‘I believe so,’ said Sergio.
Arkus’ stance lost some of its tension. ‘And Neophyte Oberdeii? Do you judge him fit for his duties?’
The Librarian smiled at the youth. ‘Another question better directed elsewhere, sergeant. You are the man to answer that. But if you want my opinion, I agree that he will make a fine warrior.’
‘Then why do I feel fear?’ blurted out Oberdeii.
He looked at his superiors wretchedly.
‘You have experienced a great shock,’ said Taricus. ‘Your indoctrination is incomplete. Your reaction is well within acceptable limits. It will be months more until your conditioning is finished and fear banished forever.’
‘What he is trying to say, boy,’ said Arkus, ‘is that with everything that has been happening, it is normal to be afraid.’
‘I… I have not failed?’
‘Your candidacy is unaffected. I fully expect your anxiety to diminish and disappear,’ said Taricus. He took a data-slate from his auxiliaries, checked it and dismissed them. ‘If it does not, you must be truthful and tell me or a member of the induction staff. Fear can be dealt with. What is your opinion, captain?’
‘Far be it for me to interfere directly with the Hundred and Ninety-Ninth’s recruitment procedures. If you judge him fit outwith these extraordinary events, then fit he is.’
Oberdeii looked to Arkus. The sergeant was as relieved as the boy.
‘Do you wish to return to normal duties, Oberdeii?’ asked Arkus. ‘The rest of your cohort returned from the surface today and are in the auxiliary barracks.’
Oberdeii nodded decisively. ‘Yes, my lord. I am tired of this place.’
‘And you are not frightened to die?’ asked Hortensian.
‘Never,’ said the boy firmly. ‘I fear only failure.’
That, and the dark beneath the mountain, he added to himself. This he did not voice.
‘Then there is nothing wrong with you,’ Arkus said reassuringly. ‘To conquer fear, you first have to face it. A Space Marine knows no fear only because he has bested it.’
‘He can rejoin his group’s activities as soon as he feels strong enough,’ said Taricus. ‘Any difficulty he is experiencing is minor and purely psychological. He’ll recover more quickly surrounded by his peers.’
‘I was strong enough for you to let me go, Apothecary Taricus.’ Oberdeii got to his feet. His legs did not betray him as he expected, but felt strong beneath him. ‘I am ready to return to my cohort.’