I created endless karma for myself. Am I cooked?

I caused so much pain and suffering to my family. A lot of sins. Since 3 years im jobless und unable to make amends. The wounds feel infinite. No amount of good deeds can Wash away the pain. It causes more and more trouble. All I wanted was to escape and I created my own prison. Im sorry for what I did but humans are wired to feel what they feel. And I can't influence anyone. Im stuck in this endless loop of pain. If this AMD that didn't happen I would roam the earth like a free spirit. But here I am, earthbound desperate for salvation. Peace.